by Marlena Elias
November 24, 2007

I haven’t attempted to write since the Enron scandal as I don't feel like I actually have something worthy of sharing. Ethan is prolific with his writing and his need to communicate. I communicate all day long at work, so by the time I get home, I don’t have the energy to share myself, so writing hasn’t been a priority. Recently, I learned something about the changes in what I thought was my hard-wired brain that I felt was worthy of sharing.

As most of you know, we moved from the suburbs of Chicago to the suburbs of Dallas. We have written in great and painful detail about the differences of these two places. I have written about the assault on my liberal sensibilities and the outrage at being mistaken for a Christian, Republican, Conservative, or Racist. Since my move here, I have harbored negative feelings and thought it was necessary to protect my beliefs from the people around me. The problem with protecting yourself is you cut yourself off from life. Another problem with this behavior is my communication was limited to only those who share the same beliefs. Emotionally and spiritually, not a good place to be.

Recently I was forced to make significant personal changes. With those changes came personal growth which I had been avoiding like the plague. Who likes change? Most definitely not me! The interesting thing about these changes: They caused me to open up and look for support outside my comfort zone.

I have been living down here since 1998 and I have not made many friends. I’ve gone out of my way to avoid people because in my hard-wired brain, people who do not have the same belief system as me were not capable of having a relationship with me. Black and white all the way; never shades of gray with me.

As a liberal/democrat/atheist, I neglected to notice I was a racist/theocracist (insert term for not liking religious folks). I was so busy basking in the glow of my liberal thinking that I neglected to notice I was no better than the folks I couldn’t tolerate and had hidden myself away from. There is a trap that humans make on the way to justifying their beliefs: We think our way is superior but really, it’s no more than just our way. My beliefs don’t fit everyone - they don’t agree 100% with Ethan - and it only took me 45 years to admit that I didn’t believe in God. I actually never believed in God, but was terrified of the consequences from my family, friends and peers. Here’s the thing which is now a vital truth for me: God and religion are not a driving force in my life, and that’s fine for me. What’s important is that I respect the need others have for God and religion.

It has taken me almost 45 years, but I understand the importance of tolerance. Not just the lip service version, but the true to my gut version. I spent years warding off potential friendships because I wanted to be around people that had the same ideas that I have and what I found was, I didn’t necessarily like those people. What I found was other liberals really hate conservatives. The more you gravitate toward an extreme, the more you cut yourself off from life. This is true of any group or religion.

I have been extraordinarily fortunate to work with a man who over the past year and a half taught me more about acceptance than I think he realizes. In a work environment, we generally do not make declarations about our beliefs. With this person we have taken a long time to get to learn about each other and to share some core beliefs. The irony of this is that almost 80% of what we discuss we agree upon. He is a devoted Christian who has dedicated his life to serving God and man. Obviously my beliefs are at the other end of the spectrum. There are issues we have stayed away from due to the fact we’re at work and because of respect for our opposing views. However, having taken this journey to learn more about him, I have learned that the journey was worth the effort. There is so much to learn from the people around us that to limit my life to those who agree 100% is not only boring but stunts my personal growth.

What is also interesting is the opportunity to understand why the beliefs of the right vs. the left are so polarized. From my discussions with this man, I think Americans want the same thing. Collectively, we’re tired of being lied to and seeing people vilified because their beliefs are different. We will never have a discussion in this country if we don’t make the effort to understand each other. In order to do that, we need to drop the labels.

It's fascinating to be at the halfway point in my life. Apparently the journey must be taken in order have a greater understanding of people around me. I still struggle, since I’m pretty sure I’m always going to be human, but at least now I have a better understanding of why it’s so important to stop and accept people and things I can’t change. <EM>