by Marlena Elias
September 10, 2002

Recently Ethan and I went to Shreveport, Louisiana, which is just across the Texas border. We have been talking about going to Shreveport where gambling is legal. So we started out on Saturday morning going to Longview, Texas to check out a second-hand store that carries Neiman Marcus cast offs, store tags and all, and as it turned out we drove 2 and a half hours only to discover that this second-hand store didn't have anything to offer us. So we thought, what the heck - let's go to Shreveport!

So 40 minutes later we're in Shreveport heading toward Harrah's casino, but we make a wrong turn and end up at the Horseshoe Casino. So we park and start to walk into the building when my senses are assaulted by cheap perfume that must have been applied with a fire hose. The smell only gets worse as we enter the casino, and I grab Ethan and pull him in another direction so I can catch my breath because the stench is going to kill me. So more cheap hussies go by and we finally head into the casino where there is NO limit to the amount of cigarette smoke! Between the perfume and smoke, it took me a while to breathe normally.

While we were regaining our composure, we were standing near a craps table. I've always found craps to be too much of a mystery, so I've never bothered playing it. However there was an empty table, which was completely staffed, so I walked up and asked them how to play craps. One of the dealers suggested watching a game being played and then another guy gave me a "how to play craps" brochure. I thanked them and went directly to the slot machines. Ethan also played the slot machines and had no luck.

I should probably mention my gambling strategy that I have successfully lived by for years. I take with me the amount of money I'm willing to lose. I keep that money in one pocket (pants pockets are an absolute must in order for this strategy to work) and then start playing. If at a slot machine I've put in money and lost 5 times, I move to another machine. If however I start to win, I put the winnings in my other pocket to pay back what I've spent and then keep playing with their money until it runs out. My goal is to always break even. I have explained this strategy to Eth and he was in total agreement with me - until he decided to try the craps table.

I'm walking around taking a break and I notice my "tall drink of water" standing head and shoulders above all the other players at the craps table. After 20 minutes Ethan starts to play craps. He starts out very conservatively playing the "pass" line and he does pretty well. As I walk by after another 20 minutes, my husband has this glazed look on his face and he is laughing and talking with the other gamblers at the table. It was so great to see him having so much fun. I walk up to him and he's ready to burst with excitement because he's doubled his money! I'm thinking, should I take his chips or let him figure out he should quit?

I walk away because he's having so much fun, I didn't want to stop him! I come back a few minutes later and he's down to 3 chips. The glazed look has gotten worse and he's really getting into the game - and I kept thinking he would stop. He actually said, "as soon as I lose the last chip I'm done." I walked away hoping that my husband would show some restraint. I came back only to find he spent more money on more chips. I wish I could explain the face Ethan made at me when I realized he bought more chips, but that would take an entire article. Suffice it to say, he was counting on winning big to make up for the fact he spent another $20!

So I made him give me all the cash from his pockets and I went to a slot machine near his craps table. I wasn't go to play any more slots, but this was a dog slot machine so I thought "why not". I won $100. I'm trying to let Eth know that I won, but he is hooting and hollering with his crap table buddies and he couldn't hear me. So I had to wait to get paid out from the slot machine and Eth kept playing craps. He was winning again and looked all happy - he doubled his money again! By the time I got the pay out from the slot machine, I went over to Ethan and he was still ahead. I told him to give me his chips - and he was going to do it - but I put them back. He was having fun and I didn't want to feel like some horrid nag. So I left him at the table while I had my coins turned into cash money. By the time I got to my husband, he was down to almost no chips!!! He looked at me and said, "Why didn't you keep the chips!" Apparently I was SUPPOSED to be a horrid nag.

So once he lost his last dollar, we left the casino and headed back to Plano. The very foundation on which my husband's life was built had turned to pea gravel. He was devastated that he 1) Didn't quit while he was ahead and 2) Didn't gamble the way I told him to, 3) Didn't give me the chips when he was winning, 4) Can't believe he didn't quit while he was ahead (!), and 5) Kissed his common sense goodbye! The ride home was filled with these five statements delivered with various degrees of anguish. All I could do in my own defense was say, "I thought you understood my plan?" and "I thought you would be able to stop!" We both learned an important lesson that day. Ethan has a gambling problem! <EM>