by Marlena Elias
October 21, 2000

Since this week we are remembering Ms. Roxanne the cat, it is also appropriate to mention my dog Eddie. I put Eddie to sleep on October 10, 1999, so I want to take this time to remember why I loved him so much.

Eddie had gone through two homes by the time I adopted him. He was a cockerpoo-schnauzer mix, with salt and pepper curly hair. Eddie came with terrible allergies and a horrible ear infection, and some additional health problems, but I didn't care, he was my first dog and I loved him dearly.

People who do not own dogs can't possibly appreciate the connection that dogs make with their human parents. Let me explain. I had gotten rather ill right after bringing Eddie home and I was in the upstairs bathroom kneeling before the porcelain god. Eddie was in the family room, heard me being sick, ran up the stairs and sat next to me until I was done. No human would sit next to you while you're getting ill, but a dog will.

When I was going through divorce, Eddie was my comfort. He didn't care how red my eyes were from crying or how terrible I looked. He just understood that I was in pain and he tried very hard to comfort me.

After I moved to Dallas and was living in the company apartment with Eddie, I got the call that Dad was in a coma. Once I got off the phone, I sat down on the couch and had a meltdown. Eddie was trying to do anything in his power to distract me and give me some kind of comfort. What is so interesting is that my Father disliked Eddie immensely, but my dog didn't care. All he knew was that I needed him again.

As Eddie's ears became severely infected I took him to the vet who said he's in pain all the time and there's nothing we can do for him. With my heart severely broken, I was faced with a decision. I sat down and made a list of all the reasons why I should euthanize Eddie and the reasons why I should not. The pro list far outnumbered the con list, but I felt my reason to keep him alive was reason enough. I wanted to keep Eddie alive because I couldn't deal with losing my father and my dog within the same year. Eddie's physical pain was probably worse than my emotional pain, but that didn't make the decision any easier.

Part of the decision process involved calling George, my ex-husband and discussing the options. Ethan felt that George should really be a part of this decision and didn't want me to feel like I was being pressured in any way. George agreed with what I had decided, especially when I told him how much pain Eddie was in.

Before I made my final decision, we went looking for a puppy. Once we brought Magic home, I knew I had to do the compassionate thing. I had to do the painful thing, which was to put Eddie to sleep. The day after Magic came to live with us, I took Eddie to the vet. I cried all the way there. I have no idea how I made to the Vet's office. I hugged Eddie as much as I could while I was driving but it didn't stop the tears. As we went into the Vet's office, Eddie was reluctant to follow the nurse and was trying to walk out with me. All I could do was cry and tell him I loved him. I sat in the car while the Vet gave Eddie the injection and I tried to convince myself it was the humane thing to do. It was at this point, that I totally felt the irony of the situation. In February, my family had to make the same decision about our Dad. I was sitting in my car, sobbing and in disbelief that twice in one year I was faced with the same decision. In both cases, it was the right, humane, compassionate thing to do. Unfortunately, these decisions did nothing for my broken heart.

I made it home from the Vet's office somehow, in one piece. I cried most of the day and didn't want a thing to do with Magic. There are moments even now, that I wish Magic could be a little more like Eddie, and I know that it's wrong to feel like that. Eddie was so different from Magic that it took me almost a month to warm up to the puppy. Magic being well, Magic, he's still not the cuddle bunny that Eddie was. No matter, I do love them both but in completely different ways.

The other night I looked at Ethan and I said, "We're always getting puppies, because I don't ever want to love a dog as much as I loved Eddie and lose him within such a short time." Ethan agreed and understood my point; we want as much time with our dog as we can have. This is also why we're going to bring a second dog into our family. I don't to ever live without a dog again and neither does Ethan. <EM>