by Marlena Elias
September 9, 2000
During the last week of August 1962, I was born, my Gido (Dad's Dad) died, and Dad turned 40. I find myself thinking about my Dad rather often in the month of August and reflecting on the remarkable qualities this man possessed. All daughters love their fathers, but in my tunnel vision view of the world, no-one will come close to my rather lofty estimation of my Father.
Dad and I were thrown together by fate 26 years ago on Halloween. That is the day my Mother died and Dad became my sole guardian. Being the youngest of 7, all the other siblings had left the nest, so it was just the two of us. I can remember being 10 or 11 freaking out with the proposition of being the only kid home with Mom and Dad! My sincere concern was, what would we talk about!
Dad's sole responsibility as my father was to keep a roof over my head, food on the table, and give me the best education he could afford. Interacting with a daughter that was going through puberty was not part of the plan for either of us. At this time Dad took a promotion to work in the Chicago Loop office of his company. So, I graduated from grade school, he sold our house and the two of us moved to Wheaton, Illinois.
I started high school in a new town in a new house and no Mom. My sister Cathy moved back from California to live with us for about 6 months. I wasn't the only one concerned about this new arrangement. So with a great deal of relief there were three of us living in the town house in Wheaton. Without Catherine creating a buffer between us, I have no idea what life would have been like. I can't imagine Dad and I surviving during that time without her. Once she felt we had our "sea legs", she went back to a normal life in California.
Then Dad got remarried. It was awful for both of us really. It was at this point that I questioned everything I ever knew about my father. He was a complete stranger to me. Granted he asked me if it was OK to get married - but what do you say to your father, no? I can still remember the day of the funeral. Rita and I were still in bed; Dad was in the shower (the bathroom was right next to our bedroom) and we could hear him sobbing. How does a child explain to her only parent that every part of her being thought his choice in a second wife was terrible? I didn't. Dad got married. I lived with them unhappily married for 4 years and then left the house.
My Father got out of his marriage right about the time I was getting married to George. In fact, when I told Dad we were engaged, his reaction was less than enthusiastic. In fact, his reaction was downright mean; little did I know he was 6 months away from getting legally separated. My Father never divorced this woman that made his life and mine miserable. She had serious health problems and could never have gotten insurance on her own. Dad did the honorable thing, stayed married and kept her on his health insurance.
Before I could get married, I needed to address some issues with Dad. Luckily this experience brought Dad and I much closer. The details are not as important as the outcome. From that point on, Dad and I developed a relationship that I could only imagine was possible with other fathers, not my own. I was extremely lucky that Dad was the parent I grew up with. That may sound like a rather harsh reflection on my Mother, but it is the truth.
Before I moved to Texas, I found a card that said in essence, because of who you are, I will go to this new place and be successful because of all the things you've taught me. He was deeply moved by this card and I will be forever grateful to have given it to him. He died 4 months later.
I have written about Dad a few times since we started this web site and I will continue to share my thoughts about him because he will always be the most remarkable person I have ever known. I can't begin to describe all the things he taught me during our 36 years together on this earth. I know with all my heart that Dad is with me always. As a nice breeze that comes out of nowhere on a hot day, as a fresh loaf of pita bread from Hedary's, as pat on my back when I need comfort, and as my guardian angel; always as my guardian angel. <EM>
