by Marlena Elias
August 12, 2000

I'm two years away from turning 40. Many people have asked me how I feel about this milestone in my life. Quite honestly, I'm thrilled. I don't associate turning 40 with getting older or more being more mature, I associate turning 40 with the rites of passage.

I was ecstatic when I turned 30. I had an epiphany: I knew nothing! All those years wasted during my teens and twenties thinking I knew it all. HA!

Upon turning 30 it was a huge relief to realize I didn't need to know everything or have all the answers.

It was also during my 30's that I made peace with my Father. When I was going through the horrible teenage angst years, all I could think about was getting away from Dad. Then in my twenties I was amazed that Dad lived so many years and never had a "clue" (whatever that meant) in my 20's drunken haze.

I think appreciation was really the outcome of turning 30.

While I was living in Westmont, I was near this bakery that Dad liked. They had an apricot Danish that was perfection.

I was on my way to Naperville one Saturday morning and I stopped and picked up two Danishes for Dad and took them to his apartment. You would have thought I gave the man $1000 he was so thrilled. A simple loving gesture like bringing my Father a Danish was inconceivable to me prior to the age of 25. I was so wrapped up in myself, in finding a husband, in making money, that showing affection to my Dad was a huge effort.

I look back on the "young" Marlena and I thank God every day I'm not 15-26 anymore.

Youth is not only wasted on the young, but youth is spent being so stupid. It's not like you can take a pill and fast-forward to true maturity. You have to actually LIVE through those years. With any luck, you come out of that decade a little smarter and having learned from your mistakes. Have I learned from my mistakes? Some days I think I did, other days I have to wonder!

Now that 40 is coming up, I'm excited. I think of 40 as acceptance. Kindness and acceptance of who I am. Looking at myself in the mirror naked and not making that yucky face.

Accepting all the bumps and pockets of fat I never thought could form on a human figure. Mount Rushmore, the Tetons and Pike's Peak are all over the terrain of my body and that's OK. My hair is completely gray, and I'm proud I get it colored.

I am so much better and happier at 38 then I ever was or could be at 25.

No one could have warned me that getting older was really a great experience. I was too busy thinking I was a genius. I was also too busy trying to cover up tons of feelings. For me turning 40 is all about freedom. To acknowledge feelings and let them out is going to make all the difference in how I embrace turning 40. <EM>