by Marlena Elias
August 5, 2000

This past weekend my big brother Danny was in town looking at office buildings for his architecture firm in Memphis. First he was in Austin, then up here in Plano.

I could use this forum to be mushy and tell my brother how much I love him, but I'm not going to do that. I'll leave that to Rita and Cathy. The nature of my relationship with Danny is complete, unadulterated silliness. Stupidity really.

In case our viewing audience doesn't know my brother, Danny is exactly in the middle of the siblings and he is eight years older than I am. I would like to share a few Danny stories in this exciting episode. I'm starting out small and mild, but mind you, there are HUNDREDS of Danny stories that I could share! I'm choosing to share the ones from 19249 Serene Drive, South Bend, Indiana, where we all grew up together. Please keep in mind, the stories I'm going to share will be my memories only. Danny refuses to acknowledge anything I remember as actually happening.

I was roughly 4 or 5 years old and Danny had tied my shoelaces one too many times. The year would have been 1966 or 1967. He was determined to show me how to do it and make sure I was accomplished at this task. So we were crouched down behind this lovely 1950's dark green textured Naugahyde (the kind your legs adhere to in summer when you're wearing shorts) and wood chair. (Why were we behind a chair? Danny trapped me so I couldn't get away.) The carpet in the room was a lovely gold sculptured remnant that didn't quite make it to the wall. We worked furiously under the tall lamp - over, under, pull through and tighten, again and again and again. Danny was making me tie my "Red Ball Jets". I wasn't too swift with the concept, so we stayed crouched down behind this chair for at least a half-hour. He didn't care that I had to go to the bathroom or that my legs were cramping. He was teaching me to tie my shoes and we were not leaving until I could do it on my own!!! Such love and dedication from my big brother! He was ready to put me up for adoption by the time we finished, but he taught me. He was just so relieved to be done with teaching me, that it didn't matter that my shoes were on the wrong feet!

My next flashback was when I was 7 or 8 years old. I was going through my first "religious phase" and I was lying in bed reflecting on how there was a song version of the "Our Father", but no song version of the "Hail Mary". So as I lay in bed, I started singing MY version of the "Hail Mary". At that particular point in time, I was in the "big bedroom" where three of us girls slept. This room had the coolest lavender dandelion wallpaper and our room was right next to the bathroom. Danny would have been 15 or 16 years old and was in the bathroom for over an hour. I don't want to think about what he was doing in there, but my singing of the "Hail Mary" was bothering him. I have no idea what tune I was singing, but I was loud. The longer I kept singing, the louder I got. Apparently after 20 minutes of singing, he could no longer tolerate my devotion to the blessed Virgin. Danny starting screaming at me, "Marlena shut up!" I kept singing. Whatever he was doing was not as important as me singing to the Holy Mother. The nerve! The singing went on until the yelling was accompanied by banging on the bathroom wall. Good thing for him I got tired of singing and wanted to go to sleep! To this day, he does not remember this incident which only confirms my suspicions of what he was doing in the bathroom.

Danny was also around for another special occasion. I was in bed with the flu, it was June 24, 1971, I was 9 years old, and we were playing chess in my bedroom. (The only reason I remember the date is, I was reading the Sunday comics.) Mom and Rita were out shopping, so it was me and Danny at home. We were well into our game when I felt the strangest sensation. Something "natural" was happening to my body and I didn't want to tell Danny about it. I had an inkling of what was happening, so I made Danny close his eyes so I could get the special device necessary in handling this "natural" occurrence out of the closet. I went to the bathroom and sure enough, I had gotten my first period! (Up until my Mother had "the talk" with me, I thought the Kotex pads were shoe inserts. I had put one in my shoe and tried to put my foot in after that. It didn't work. I just figured that since my sisters had bigger feet, the pad fit in their shoes. Then I tried to wear it as a belt - that didn't work either.) So I hid the pad under my pajama top and ran into the bathroom. I place this pad, which is equivalent to a loaf of Wonder Bread, in my underwear and waddle back into the bedroom to finish the chess game. Danny had no clue what happened.The beauty of my brother at the time is, the house could have been on fire and he wouldn't have noticed. On this particular occasion I was relieved.

These stories only scratch the surface concerning my relationship with Danny. The point of sharing these stories is twofold: 1. Demonstrate that at a very early age I was gullible enough to listen to my brother and as we grew older, my gullibility lessened. Unfortunately our collective stupidity increased. 2. As the stories unfold, those of you that know us, will question our ability to function as adults in society.

Barring any legal action by Danny or the other family members, this is to be continued. <EM>