by Marlena Elias
July 1, 2000
During our last visit to Chicago, Ethan's Mom Marge insisted on taking me shopping. I was a little baffled at first; the concept of someone taking me shopping hadn't happened in over 25 years. So off we went, me not having a clue as to what Marge had in mind, Marge clearly knowing what her mission was. Little did I know what kind of formidable woman Marge Johnson was, is, and shall always be! She went immediately to the plus size section of the stores in the mall and started showing me various items. No hesitation, just very matter of factly; this is who you are, I'm the Mom and I'm going to buy you clothes.
My head was reeling for a few different reasons:
- No one had taken me shopping since I was 13 years old.
- All of my friends are very thin, so having them join me in the "big girl" department would not be my idea of a good time. So I shop alone.
- At no time did Marge ever make me feel like there was something wrong with my size. Total acceptance.
Now during the course of my life I have put on significant weight. Every time I would attempt to lose weight, I would achieve success. Rather abruptly I would stop losing, put on the weight I had lost plus a few additional pounds. Every success was met with failure. Let's not forget the disappointment to the people who love me the most in this world. Over the years I have gone from being a size 14 to whatever size I wear now. With those weight gains and losses my self-esteem has suffered greatly. At first I was on a mission to prove that a fat girl could do anything, and I did everything I wanted. I even got married.
Somehow through all those weight losses and gains, I never could figure out what the exact problem was. I was tired of failing. I could tell by the way my Father looked at me, he was disappointed I could not keep the weight off. It's pretty devastating when you know you've disappointed your Father. So I meet Ethan's family and I am accepted for who I am, not who they think/hope I'll be. There are no unmet expectations or humiliation or rejection or hurt feelings. Complete acceptance.
I have thanked Marge many, many times for taking me shopping, but words are not accurately expressing my feelings. There don't seem to be enough words to express my gratitude and overwhelming joy in having some one do something so special and nice for me. Having Marge take me shopping opened a door that I had bolted shut for many years. Her acceptance, the entire Johnson family's acceptance is helping me look at myself, and begin to accept myself.
For this kind of gift, there are no words to show how I feel. The only way I can express my appreciation is to love Ethan with all my heart. <EM>
