by Ethan Johnson
December 26, 2008
Last movie reviews of 2008:
Outland: I saw this as a kid, and thus had limited recall about the specifics of the movie. Despite a raging "cheese" factor (such as shotguns being fired in outer space) I was riveted for the final 30 minutes. A space western that is rather dated yet effective.
Halloween III: Another "saw it as a kid" flick. This was a strange departure from the mad slasher direction of the first two movies, in that some obscure novelty company decides to kill every child in the US using deadly Halloween masks. In the present day, killing kids is uncool in fiction, unless it is referenced obliquely. But graphic kid death? Whoa. This movie was so cheese-modic that I held down the fast-forward button through most of it, so I am not exactly sure why the bad guy(s) decide to hatch their murderous scheme. (After reading the "memorable quotes" at IMDB, I guess the point was "evil is as evil does.") Anyway, cringingly awful.
Aliens vs Predator: Requiem: Okay, I would ask the heavens why I stayed up late to watch this toilet bomb, but the trump card was Reiko Aylesworth. Man, someone needs to tell her that just because Judi Dench did Chronicles of CGI... I mean, Riddick doesn't mean she has to follow suit. I'm at a loss as to why someone pitched "Alien from Alien versus the Predator from Predator" and got a "go picture". Or why this sequel was made. The human element is largely useless, as one CGI spewing alien fighting another one doesn't require a lot of human intervention to spice up the plot. The Predator spends most of the movie attempting to cover up the fast that the Aliens are running riot in a Colorado town, only to blow half of the town up with CGI fighting the Aliens, which prompts the Evil US Government™ to nuke the town in order to cover up what went down. Subtle much? This isn't the cure for insomnia, more like its punishment.
The Ruins: I read the book and movie synopses at Wikipedia when the movie was released to theatres, and got the gist that the book was better, insofar as 300 lashes with a bullwhip is better than 400. Disposable characters hie on down to uncharted Mayan ruins only to be nickel and dimed to death for 80 minutes. Eeeeevil vines rule the roost on some ruins, and the locals are obsessed with containing their influence to that one spot. Apparently eeeeevil vines never heard of spores or pollination. Stephen King apparently lost a bar bet, as he named this one of the 10 best movies of the year. Yeah, and I'm Stephen King. Pass.
Planet of the Apes (1968): I caught this on TV in progress and got sucked in. I saw this (and other installments) as a kid, but it was edifying to see it again with fresh eyes. Charlton Heston was awful, I thought, but the movie is made or broken by the believability of the ape costumes. Pretty much defines the battle lines between the science and religion crowds. Despite flaws, a masterwork for its time. See it again for the first time.
Johnny Mnemonic: This was pegged as "Prehistoric Matrix". Perhaps so, but one thing the Wachowski Brothers figured out was to out more interesting actors around Keanu Reeves rather than dumb down the supporting cast. Arbitrary in nearly every way, I had to abandon ship with this stinker about 30 minutes in. I think the producers expected their target demographic to skateboard in to the theatre and trash the place rather than pay attention to the would-be story. Pass.
Untraceable: Fast forward 14 or so years, and we have another techno movie that spews buzzwords like "hack" and "net neutrality" while understanding none of these terms. Diane Lane is Gravely Concerned about the serial killer who uses a web site to kill victims based on the number of site visitors at any given moment. I have to say, as an idea, this was pitch-perfect, as I completely agree that idiots would flood a site like that indeed to watch someone die. The movie flops hard as the killer is really a weenie. This would have been much stronger of a film/idea if the killer remained nebulous. Instead the Killer Weenie defies all plausibility and we're left checking our watches to get to the obvious punchline. A for idea, F for execution.
The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951): I was piqued by the remake but wanted first to see the original. Despite the b-movie cheese, it was very well done. Michael Rennie makes the movie with his understated performance as Klaatu. He reminded me of Dudley from The Bishop's Wife - which we popped in on Christmas day and the comparison is a fair one. As for the title event in the movie, it was clever and unexpected. I thought it referred to the spaceship landing. Nope. Worth a spin.
Cleopatra (1963): Pack a lunch and take your phone off the hook for this 4+ hour ride, but wow, what a movie. If I don't see another movie all year I'd say I went out on a high. I am aware that this version is somehow "inferior" to a future 6+ hour release, but for now the movie gripped me and kept me interested for all 4 hours. Crackling dialogue, epic filmography, and timeless romance. Something for everybody, with line upon line of unforgettable dialogue. "I object to Agrippa at all times." (Kissing fingers) Roddy McDowall really did get rooked by the Academy. Rent it, own it, re-enact it; do what must be done. <EM>
