by Ethan Johnson
November 23, 2008
Yeah, I haven't been getting my movies on for a long while. In fact, I didn't realize I had some reviews on tap waiting for more entries, and therefore I have updated the old reviews as apropos:
Twilight: No, I didn't read the book(s), and I'm about as far removed from the target demo for this movie as they come. I was thinking that Mar and I needed a "date movie" and this fit the bill. Apparently, "squeeing" teen girls are something of a concern at the theatre, but we had a pretty respectful audience. Amusement for me came in the form of some young woman sitting behind us who took an ill-timed potty or snacks break, sat down, and said, "I just missed their first kiss, didn't I? DAMMIT!" Anyway, I get that this is a young adult romance that has the vampire thing and the awkward, pensive, angsty teen thing going on, but as a disinterested third party, the movie was "okay". I didn't completely cringe, it was light entertainment, and I didn't have memories of the book to wrestle with so I just went with it. The target demo is going to carry this franchise whether you like it or not, so watch or don't as you are inclined. Shrug.
The Dark Knight: I wasn't exactly gushing with enthusiasm about Batman Begins, but was willing to cop a wait-and-see attitude about the second installment of the "rebooted" franchise. Thanks to driving out to a remote location (for reasons unrelated to movie viewing), we got right in for the first showing on the Saturday of opening weekend. All I really can say, without going into the whys and what-fors of the movie and specifically Heath Ledger's performance of The Joker, is that my back was pouring with sweat after being blasted into my seat for two and a half hours. So strictly as entertainment, I'd say "mission accomplished". As for whether or not this rose to the heights of Alfred Hitchcock (???!!!), uh, I think y'all better relax. Ledger simply must be nominated for an Oscar® for his performance. That's all I'm sayin'. It isn't entirely necessary to see the previous movie to "get" the plot of this one, but certain details are never fully explained to the casual viewer as it is assumed that you're following this chronologically. (Should've) See(n) it on the big screen.
Tropic Thunder: Seems to me, any Ben Stiller vehicle is the same as any other. However, Robert Downey Jr's send up of a white character actor playing black should bag him an Oscar® nod. Probably won't, but should. Fluffy dumb entertainment with that patented Ben Stiller-ness. Worth renting for Robert Downey Jr.
Resident Evil: Extinction: I hadn't seen any other installments in this franchise (I assume there is at least one more), but I got suckered in by the commercials on some movie channel showing the sky apparently on fire over Milla Jovovich's head and I figured, "the effects are probably cool." Mmmmm, sure, but these video-game movies just prove that Hollywood can make cooler CGI crap than the video game companies. But you get to control the action in the video game, whereas this movie was about as fun as waiting for your turn with the XBox. I guess Milla Jovovich has cornered the market on vaguely cheesecake-y but not really but the heroine is eternally pissed off and speaks through gritted teeth dumb action movies. Pass.
Hellraiser: Cheese! Cheesier than cheese. Fromage, even. I had never seen any of the Hellraiser movies (never felt like I was missing much) and wow-wee, cheese from the get-go. Loving the D-Movie special effects, such as the rubber skin. Hard to be scared by rampant cheese-a-roony. The only way this could have been cheesier is if one or both of the "Coreys" were in it. Nothing you need to expend the calories on, but it is mercifully short if you do. <EM>
