by Ethan Johnson
February 27, 2008

New releases first, as per ancient and accepted standards and practices:

Be Kind Rewind: We saw the trailer for this sometime last year, and we thought the idea was brilliant. Then... nothing. When the movie finally came out we were two of not more than 10 people in the theatre. Uh oh. This is Exhibit A as to why movies aren't usually very "real". By "real", I mean, go sit someplace crowded and people-watch for a while. Not much in the way of award-winning dialogue, right? And people usually don't move in deliberate, find-my-mark, wait-for-my-cue sorts of ways. Well, how ever the filmmakers got people like Jack Black to act like "regular" people is beyond me. Even "indie" flicks are stiffer than this. This movie was so loosey-goosey I swore I was watching someone's home movie, minus the camera shake. But despite all of the cringe-inducing looseness, this movie actually has charm. If you can hang in to experience it, that is. Anyway, see it cheaply. And it's really OK if it's not your thing.

Cloverfield: I saw this before Be Kind Rewind. Had I not seen the other movie, I would herald this as a triumph of "reality" filmmaking, despite the utter fiction of the premise. BUT. This is an extremely difficult movie to watch. Not just because of the deliberately awful camera work (hey, your home movies aren't winning Oscars® either), but because of the gut-wrenching detail that went into the fictional destruction of New York City. Not that this is a new concept, but alien attacks or massive tidal waves were quick, see? Re-enacting 9/11 (without ever mentioning 9/11) is altogether brilliant and crass. It definitely adds several dimensions to the usual thoughtless city-gets-destroyed-oh-well-we're-in-love fare. If nothing else, this movie stands for me as the gold standard for what is possible with CGI these days - while looking all too real. Cloverfield has you desperately looking for the seams as reassurance that this is all make-believe, and offers none. Best viewed on the big screen, with king-sized caveats. Ask yourself how raw you're feeling about 9/11 before buying a ticket.

Aeon Flux: Having clearly not learned my lesson after slogging through Ultraviolet, I checked out the movie that was thought to be the better of the two. It is, as far as comic book-y dumb action movies go. It really depends on how attractive you find Charlize Theron over Milla Jovovich. Flux has a somewhat more compelling premise, but whatever you do, don't spend any calories thinking about the major plot points or the whole thing will wash away like a sand castle at high tide. If you're in the mood for dumb action (that's smarter/better than Ultraviolet) have at it. (Note: I re-watched Ultraviolet, and wow, is it awful. Go with Flux if you absolutely have to pick one.)

The Fantasticks: Atrocious.

Fine, I'll elaborate. David Niven once said that the hardest genre of movie to make is a comedy. If the comedy bombs, you just have a terrible movie. If a drama flops, you still have a mediocre movie. Well, when a musical features singing and dancing that is utterly unbearable and all that's left after riding that fast-forward button is really mediocre acting and a paper-thin plot, then you have a disaster. Pass.

Imagine Me & You: Why yes, one of the principal characters is now starring on the Sarah Connor Chronicles. But guess what, she's really a Brit! In England! And mixed up in a fairly chaste but amusing love triangle. Men will find this movie irresistable because it's about the W4W side of the triangle. It's a pretty fluffy movie, eh wot, but put the kettle on and enjoy.

The Last King of Scotland: I was expecting this movie to be a 2-hour beating, Oscar® notwithstanding. And it is, but not like say, Schindler's List. Excellent character study not only of Idi Amin, but a fictional yet believable character who illustrates the dangers of devotion to an unchecked power. Highly recommended - if you're in the mood to sit through it.

Cold Comfort Farm (1995): Apparently, this was a made for TV movie originally. However, it appears to be available on DVD, so here goes. Kate Beckinsale is completely one with her character, which is good. I had to keep reminding myself that this is the same actress from such classics as Brokedown Palace and Underworld: Evolution. She can act, however. But my beef with this movie is that it clearly was a book adaptation (duh - they tell you that up front), but detractingly so. I suspect it worked much better as a book, and therefore in the theatre of the mind. Rent with caveats (namely, you might like it much better than I did).

My Summer of Love: Again with the lesbians! Too bad I couldn't catch Vampyros Lesbos on TV recently for the trifecta. Anyway, unlike Imagine Me & You, this is more murky and psychological. The main characters get mixed up in a W4W relationship, but as things progress it is unclear how "serious" this relationship might be. Definitely will leave you with more questions than answers. Worth a look, really.

Goal! The Dream Begins: Hmmm. Ya'd think I'd be all over this movie, being a soccer-themed drama. And for sure, it's one of the better movies I have seen lately where soccer was a plot element (cf She's the Man). BUT, there are more continuity errors than a Star Wars movie. And this movie apparently had to be approved by FIFA in order to use real team names and colors. It comes off as corporate and focus-grouped. Distractingly so - it's like the filmmakers wanted to include every possible dramatic element AND soccer reference. Even the actors shrug off what was supposed to be an emotional moment, since there's not enough investment in why any of them would care. But: 18 stars for featuring an extra wearing an FC Dallas jersey in the stands. Rent with caveats.

Hostel: I had every intention of never seeing this movie (same with The Descent), but just like that other movie, I got sucked into the plot and went the distance. It was marketed as a pointless, brainless mad slasher movie. "Torture porn", actually. But, this is why when the revolution comes, marketers will be first against the wall. Yes, there is slasher-gore and torture elements. But the movie is "smarter" than that, if you can believe that. There's an actual plot, with actual acting. Intriguing enough that I'm keeping an eye out for the sequel. Still, not for the faint of heart, and if you're not into gory movies, I understand. Rent with caveats. Maybe next Halloween.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: OK. Clearly Johnny Depp can act. So can Benicio del Toro, really. But Hunter S Thompson was never "my guy", you know? And as a result I found this movie to be gratingly annoying. Apparently the Hunter S Thompson guide to drug use is as follows: Find drug. Take it. Keep taking it. Wonder where you are 8 weeks later. Not my thing. Despite all of that, the line that I have been making hay with privately is "as your attorney, I advise you to [do whatever]." Anyway, that was the movie that was. Rent if you must. <EM>