by Ethan Johnson
January 30, 2007

Back to the Netflix never-ending queue:

A Scanner Darkly: This is one of those movies that suffers from the necessary advancements in movie-making technology not being invented/perfected in time for the relevance of the story to pack any meaningful punch. Those TV commercials here in the USA that feature the "live acting that was painted over by animators" technique aren't helping either. I liked it, however, in spite of itself. However, my recommendation rests largely with the performance of Robert Downey Jr. Worth renting (says me), but may not be your cuppa tea. Oh, and suck it up and get past the first 5 or so minutes.

Failure to Launch: OK, I didn't really watch this movie with my undivided attention, nor in the same room for most of it. And when I did look at the screen, I was greeted by a naked (!) Terry Bradshaw. Nobody needs to see that. And speaking of Bradshaws, remember that uber-annoying screechy squeal that Sarah Jessica Parker got a lot of mileage out of during the waning months of Sex and the City? Yeah, she does it a lot. A lot. And - GOD MY EYES MY EYES. Avoid. Seriously.

The Descent (Unrated Version): Not quite sure why all the hype about the "unrated" version of this movie. As I understand it, we're talking about roughly a 20-second differential between the "rated" and unrated versions. In either case, it's a different kind of horror flick, in that not much horror happens for the first hour (!). And it's a 90 minute movie. For the final 30 minutes, "horror" happens, and how. I won't spoil the surprise, but for me, it got kinda old. However, as the movie largely takes place in a cave, I was actually having anxiety attacks and hypertension during quite a bit of it. So, worth the rental but kinda brace yourself for disappointment once the "action" kicks in.

Control Room: US and UK residents: Your mission: Rent this movie. Tell a friend to watch this movie. Never mind what it's about. Just do it, tell everyone, and do it. Just be prepared to shake the Snoopy fist a lot when you compare the goings on in this movie to say, the present day. Uh huh. Rent it, now.

Fiddler on the Roof: Another piece to the pop culture puzzle. So many great songs came out of this musical, and so many pop culture references. Wanna understand 3 or 4 more jokes on Family Guy or The Simpsons? Here you go. A friend of mine said that this is one of those movies you need to make an appointment to see. I finally did, and regret nothing. Fantastic, but just short of superb, for me. As a gentile (?), this is to be expected, I think. Rent and enjoy, if you have 3 hours.

Big Night: What Sideways did for Pinot Noir, Big Night does for Italian food. I think this movie was over-sold to me, so as a result I was kind of underwhelmed. Towards the end, I thought, "aha, so this is basically food porn." On the up side, Stanley Tucci and Tony Shalhoub manage to pull off the "brothers" thing rather convincingly. Rent with caveats.

On the Waterfront: Beware those who quote movie lines out of context. This is another "classic one-liner" movie that had much more going on than anyone gives it credit for. (See: Casablanca, Taxi Driver.) Marlon Brando plays the quintessential dope with a heart of gold. On a side note, Karl Malden always struck me as a "true crime" kind of guy, but this is 2 movies now where he plays a priest. Not sure when he made the jump to being typecast as something else. Worth seeing, if for no other reason than to put the absent-minded movie quoters in their place.

Ultraviolet: I went bonkers trying to remember if this was the "razor grass" movie. No, that would be Aeon Flux. I rented this because someone said it was the movie that Flux was trying to be. Well, since this is the last review on the page, let's cut to the chase. If you like [girls kicking ass] and your computer's operating system is [Gentoo] and your window manager is [Enlightenment] and your favorite entertainment genre is [anime] and you don't particularly care for [sex] or [public displays of affection] except in the [most vague way possible] and your favorite hair color is [blue, green, or purple] and you wish you could be a [cyborg] and prefer [CGI] to [analog] and really dislike [multi-syllabic dialogue] and [plausibility]... you'll love this movie. <EM>