by Ethan Johnson
June 24, 2003

Books and Cinema. Really, what more can anyone ask for in this world?

Cinema first.

Bend It Like Beckham: Not sure why I'm having the Epiphany™ about this flick. I sat through it on a Friday night trying desperately to avoid thinking about Monsoon Wedding, which as Indian-themed subject matter is concerned, was infinitely superior. It's really a "fluffy" movie, all things considered; the real challenge was to wade through some of the more dodgy Brit slang, innit, yeh. Maybe that's why we were back on Sunday for the more reasonably priced matinee. Maybe that's why I ordered the DVD through eBay. That must be the reason.

Well, Mar liked it too.

For reasons not entirely clear, certain movies seem to be this powderkeg of inspiration about things that really had nothing to do with the film itself. This movie was my inspiration for actually going to the park this past Sunday to watch a Cricket match. In Texas. Which in turned led to an invitation to Friday practice. Never mind that I'm self-proclaimed "whitey white bread" and only took any sort of interest in learning about the game a few days prior to my visit. I even listened to England vs. Pakistan the other day on streaming audio.

The reason I say this is that the movie has a passing scene of Cricket practice for all of 20 seconds, if that. Suddenly I'm in the stands asking one of the players what "over" it is and why they weren't bowling from both sides of the "pitch". You shoulda seen the other guys' faces. It was brilliant. Which, by the way, will be the word ringing in your ears for months after seeing this movie.

But we're gonna own it, so just accept that fact and let's move on.

Now the books, then:

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: Dude, I totally have to spoil the end for you. And that one scene, where Harry tries this spell he's never done before. And Hermione totally reads something in a book. And Ron is totally bummed about stuff, sometimes. And Malfoy so hates Harry. Dude.

870 fun-lovin' pages, boys & girls. Chicago phone books are thinner. Dictionaries are thinner. Heck, even the Bible is thinner, as you no doubt have been hearing from your church-going brethren.

I haven't gone around and collected examples, but I just know in my heart of hearts that such prose is out there, but why do people feel compelled to blow book plots, or movie surprises, and so forth on the day they come out? One example that is in wide circulation is the "leak" about [something or other in the new HP book], which if you haven't seen the leak I am referring to, you won't here. But I unfortunately fell prey to that very leak and was incensed that I knew something about the story before I cracked the cover. Good grief, what part of "5 million copies sold on the first day" makes people think that the book needs more of a "bump" to get people interested in reading it? Hello! It could have been 870 pages of cookie recipes but those same 5 million copies would have cleared the shelf. Maybe not any more after that, but still. In your face, Joy of Cooking!

I am still digesting the book. Mar is re-reading the end. And neither of us has the foggiest idea how Hollywood is going to squeeze this down to a movie you can view without a dinner break and a toothbrush.

My advice to those who haven't read it yet: Read it, then go looking for the reviews pro and con. It's more fun that way. Plus you get the added benefit of forming your Own Opinion. Good practice for November 2004, eh wot.

The Cave of the Ancients: OK, I'm really throwing a curve from left field, but I'm here to tell you that the Wazowski Brothers read this book before filming Monsters Inc. I mean Warshawsky. And I meant Everything Automotive.

Don't believe me? Well, it takes place in Tibet. And on about page 29 of the copy I have, T. Lobsang Rampa (the author, for those in a Google state of mind) is taken to see the "State Oracle" who tells him that he is "the one". That came to see him. Hey, it's not a carbon copy.

Factor in that he learns that dying in "the Astral" results in death "in Physical Reality", and mix in some chop-socky kung fu (which doesn't happen a whole lot in this book), and you've got The Matrix Prewritten.

Next time you see the Brothers McMullen, ask them if they read this book. "The Cave of the What?" is their way of saying "you caught us." You're welcome. <EM>