At The Movies: June 14, 2002

by Ethan Johnson
June 14, 2002

At last, a fresh batch of first-run films! Can life get any better? Well, yeah, actually.

Star Wars, Episode II: Yup, it was the second one alright. Many people are putting groceries on the table by giving their lengthy synopsis of how bad it was, and how at least it was better than Episode I, and blah, blah, blah. Bottom line is this:

  • If you have children, especially boys, you'll end up seeing this movie.
  • Star Wars films are like CD's by a band like U2 or the Grateful Dead. You're gonna have to see them all anyway, if you've seen the original trilogy. Same with collecting CD's, where the album has one good song but you've gotta have the complete collection. I am not implying that I think the (in)famous Yoda fight scene is good.
  • DO NOT pay full price.
  • 1 and a half stars.

Spider-Man: Ahhh, much better. It wasn't as "action-packed" as I was expecting, but then again, how can you ever expect to use "Tobey Maguire" and "action-packed" in the same movie review?

It was still a good flick, better than Episode II at any rate. Plus, the next movie will feature Dr. Octopus as the villain. Someone in Hollywood likes me.

3 stars. Go see it rather than read reviews about it.

The Scorpion King: Better than The Mummy flicks, in that Brendan Fraser never graces the screen. Apparently there was a big void left out there in Movie-land by Conan, and face it, Arnold is getting old enough to play one of the tribal elders or something. Some genius decided The Rock was the proverbial Chosen One. They were right.

Look, it's dumb action, through and through. Dumb, dumb, dumb. The only thing dumber is that (spoiler alert) Brendan Fraser ultimately kills the Scorpion King in The Mummy Returns. Think about it. They're making a TRILOGY of this drivel, and the Scorpion King is made out to the the baddest of bad dudes ever to ride a camel. So Brendan Fraser offs him? I think not. Neither did the writers.

3 Stars, for not taking itself seriously, ever. Just don't ask me where I saw it, and how I managed to do it.<EM>

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