by Ethan Johnson
April 16, 2006

At long last, it's time to roll out a new feature here at ethmar.com called Totally Unpretentious Wine Reviews.

Mar and I are hardly wine snobs, and the only way the word "oenophile" can be used in the same sentence with either of our names would be to say something like "Ethan is not an oenophile." We're enjoying doing the swirl-and-sniff thing and getting a better appreciation of wine as opposed to treating it like grape juice with a kick.

So where do I get off, reviewing a wine without having years of experience and a wealth of hoity wine terms at my immediate disposal? Here's the scoop, people: Wine isn't that mystical that the mere mortal can't possibly pour a glass and decide if he or she likes it. The snobs can deliver chapter and verse as to the particulars, but in the end, skunky wine is skunky wine, no matter how you describe it.

After providing the particulars of the wine and what I personally thought of it, I am going to use a different rating system than what other wine reviewers are using. No star ratings, and no X/100 scoring. Instead, each wine will be rated in terms of what I (and perhaps you) will do when presented with the prospect of drinking the featured wine. Example:

The Phony Vineyards Pinot Vert 3036 is a wine that you will:

+ Buy a case of for regular enjoyment
+ Buy a bottle or two for your collection
+ Ask for when dining out or at a party
+ Settle for if your preferred wine is not available
+ Politely decline and never drink again, ever

The reason for this rating system is that wine is a) always evolving, and rarely consistent, and b) highly subjective. If you hate white wine, you may not like any of the wines that I do. Remember, this is your journey of discovery. I'm just pointing out the possibilities.

Cheers! <EM>