by Ethan Johnson
November 13, 2006

There's a saying about Algebra, or any math, really: Work with the smallest sets of numbers. 1/2 is easier to wrap your head around than 100/200. This sort of thinking factors in to sales and marketing tricks, such as pricing things as $x.99 instead of a flat $x. Or, one could make like the following vintner, and use deceptively low numbers on the front of the bottle. I fell for it, and brought home a (half) bottle of:

Producer (Vineyard): Robert Sinskey Vineyards
Varietal (Grape type): Pinot Noir
Vintage (Year): 2004
Country: USA (California)
Color: Red
Cost: Pricey ($35 USD)

Swirl and Sniff: I want to say "garnet red." Can I do that? This wine had a swirly blend of alcohol, faint berries, and smoke. The smells varied the longer the wine sat, and as I poured the final glass the scents were a blend of weeds (!), faint berries, alcohol, and mint. Kinda "grassy" too, like some Sauvignon Blancs.

Taste: Meh. If I had to use one word, I'd say "thin." If I could use two, I'd add "watery." Literally. Swishing the wine back and forth in my mouth there was a thin, lightly tannic center with the faintest berry taste, with a literal watery edge.

Pairing: I drank this solo, thinking this to be what my wine-a-day calendar called "a sophisticated wine, no doubt, but one that rewards inquiry." I assumed they meant this particular wine, and I was all, "oooh, Kismet! I happen to have a (half) bottle handy." Turns out it was the next level up. I have absolutely no idea what this would pair well with. I had a flash thought as I was drinking it that if food and wine equal 100%, the wine is 10%, so you'd need something that could provide the necessary 90% balance. Good luck, but then it is getting to be comfort food season.

Rating: When it comes to this wine, I would (and you may):

• Buy three or more bottles for regular enjoyment
• Buy a bottle or two for occasional enjoyment
• Ask for when dining out or at a party
• Settle for if your preferred wine is not available
• Politely decline and never drink again, ever

Check out Mister Finicky over here! But really, this wine was so thin as to be useless, in my estimation. If I wanted water, I'd drink water. In fairness, perhaps I got a bum bottle, but then again, if wine appreciation is like interacting with people, sometimes all we get is one shot at making a good first impression, and this wine left me thinking "no thanks."

Regarding the "math" line in the intro, the bottle said "265 barrels produced." When I was browsing the wine aisle at the hoity grocery I thought, oooh, I owe it to myself to spring for a "low production" bottle to get a sense of what that's like. Well, all things being equal, it's a lower production wine (265 barrels equates to roughly 6625 cases) than some grocery staples, but hardly a rare jewel either. And how, if this experience was the norm.

If you do give this a try, please let me know how your experience compared with mine. Thanks! <EM>

(The Totally Unpretentious Wine Reviews Index may be found here.)