by Ethan Johnson
December 10, 2007

More brief thoughts that either couldn't or shouldn't make the cut as articles unto themselves:

Traffic does not automatically equal sales: Where "sales" might be defined as "people 'buying' what you're 'selling'." This includes material goods, services, or in the case of would-be "thought leaders", ideas (with attribution and link love). Just as a horse led to water cannot necessarily be made to drink, so too is the case with the ertswhile browser. Just because they looked over your wares does not mean that you have made a sale, presently or in the future. Thus, I am wary of anyone who either measures the perceived value of their web site mainly by "hits", as opposed to something meatier, such as actual sales, or in the case of "thought leaders", actual clamor for their every utterance.

Thanks to Long or Short Capital, this concept is writ large in the S-1 filed by classmates.com (inline disclaimer: I am a paid subscriber for the moment, due to reunion activities earlier this year) as they seek to take their venture public:

Our success is dependent upon our social networking members interacting with our Web sites. Currently, the network effect on our social networking Web sites is limited, and the vast majority of our member activity is within our high school communities. Our members do not visit our Web sites frequently and spend a limited amount of time on our Web sites when they visit. In addition, only a limited number of our social networking members post photographs and information about themselves, engage in message board discussions, view other members’ profiles or participate in the other features on our Web sites.

LoS gets to the point with grace and aplomb:

Recommendation: Avoid companies that cite their ongoing failure to execute their business model as a risk factor.

Parenthetically speaking: I know, I know. I'm one of the worst writers in the world due to my tendency to nest clarifying material in parentheses (not always, but for illustrative purposes I did it here). I try to keep it to a minimum, and where possible, separate out the nested thought into its own sentence. But sometimes I get carried away. At least I can smile knowing that I'm not the worst, thanks to an entry in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, as passed along by Dennis the Peasant:

"Heavens!" groaned fair Diana Rea (a groan uttered to the heights from her depths as she strained every muscle of her viscera (her bowel, her gut, her innermost being (that from which the great sages have mined their deepest wisdom (unlike middling ones, who only mine the mind (though Diana had quite a lucid mind in her lovely head (which sat on small, soft shoulders over which cascaded mounds of flaming red hair (if one can say mounds cascade (or that red hair flames, for that matter, though well it seemed to on Diana (who, though pretty, wasn't shallow, but contemplated life's landscape in its heights and depths, lights and darks (like Kierkegaard, whom she was reading at the time (though nausea was the opposite of her problem))))))))))), "I do wish I could get over this constipation thing, but I must admit that the time I've spent on the pot reading has worked wonders for my knowledge of the humanities."

For the uninitiated, this contest is in search of the worst opening sentence to a novel, real or imagined (mostly imagined). Unfortunately, I think a fair number of entries amount to complete essay-style jokes, minus closing punctuation.

The other football: Now that MLS season is dead and buried until next year, I've been trying to get into the NFL spirit. The problem is, the regular season is almost over, and my beloved Saints are pretty much on life support this year. At least the Dolphins are threatening to go "defeated" this year (0-16), and despite my otherwise not caring, I would like to see the Patriots go 16-0 just to shut the 1972 Dolphins up for good. In fact, with apologies to Bill Maher, I say, "new rule: If the Patriots go 14-0, then the 1972 Dolphins have to stop their 'we are the only undefeated team in the NFL' celebration forever." The 1972 Dolphins played a 14-game regular season. To satisfy the sticklers, let's say 15-0 ices it.

By the way, I realize that I have left the MLS section unfinished. I was traveling during the second round of the playoffs, and the Final really deflated my interest in the subject. I'm not "over" soccer; I just need a little more time to collect my thoughts to cap off the entries for the season. And come on, 2008.

Where are the "men of scrapbooking"? No guarantees that this will amount to a hill of beans, but I saw a note in the latest issue of Scrapbooks, Etc that the editors don't receive many layout samples from men. They posted a request asking for men to submit layouts for consideration. I sent three. I don't know that I'll hear back from anyone, but I figured I'd send them some stuff to lend support to the other submissions. I'm quite capable of posting my layouts right here, so getting published in a magazine, while heady, isn't necessarily validating to me. Just doing my part to dispel the myth that men aren't interested in or capable of making scrapbook-style layouts. Further bulletins as events warrant. <EM>