by Ethan Johnson
September 16, 2007

News flash: I am a red-blooded heterosexual male. Happily married, but still subject to various hormonal, social, biological, and normative conditions that say, compel me to note that various women are attractive (read: hawt) while others are not attractive. To me. However, what bothers me lately is that I have been catching myself applying a huge double standard to female athletes. My one-line defense/excuse has been provided above, but the question is, why? And how does this happen? Let's explore:

Exhibit A: Danica Patrick

OK, I am sooo not a racing guy. I don't watch NASCAR, I don't watch drag races (well, anymore), and I don't watch IndyCar. But I watched IndyCar for the tail end of the season to find out if Danica Patrick was going to win her first race at all this year. (Spoiler alert: No.) But why her? She's not the first woman to race in IndyCar (Sarah Fisher was present in a few races that I saw). I don't find her stunningly beautiful, nor do I carry the torch for her (we match: we're both married) in any way. So why the sudden interest?

Pick one:

1. She's hawt, in an "I like to watch chicks race IndyCars in full body armor" kind of way.
2. She's the underdog, in that she has never won an IndyCar race. She was/is the closest to striking distance of winning a race of all other female racers. (dingdingding)

Seriously. I am soooo immediately attracted to the underdog in any given competition. If Nebraska played Florida State (I hate both teams), and I find out one is the underdog for some reason, I cannot help but want that team to win. Well, mostly. Some teams defy attracting my support under any circumstances.

However: I find myself battling a creeping sense that Danica Patrick is only attracting widespread fan support based on her physical appearance. Her glam shots that circulate around (such as on her official site, linked above) certainly bolster this impression. Her GoDaddy promos also rely on a fair amount of sex appeal. That must be the motivating factor to watch her race, right? It's not like she's the winningest IndyCar racer or anything. Just arguably the best active female IndyCar racer. Good enough reason for me to check out Indycar races here and there.

On a hunch, I checked out the official sites for some of the top male racers. People like Scott Dixon, Dan Wheldon, and Tony Kanaan. Check out that beefcake gateway to Dan Wheldon's site. Hubba hubba, right ladies (and men)? Or what about Scott Dixon wearing his flight suit? May seem innocuous, and that's the point. Check Danica Patrick's front page again. Same general idea, but (from my perspective) "hotter" because Danica Patrick is female and attractive. I'm not into dudes, dude, but I can objectively note when a man looks "good lookin'". Dan Wheldon is the male Danica Patrick, apparently. Not that he would say that.

So what's going on? Are female athletes, heck, females period to be judged as eye candy first, and merits second (if at all)?

Exhibit B: The US Women's National Soccer Team

I wasn't going to follow the 2007 FIFA Women's World Cup, but for whatever reason I watched the first game against North Korea and got hooked. Oh wait, I know one reason: Her name is Hope Solo. Hawt. Ugh, there I go again! Hawt, sure, but talented! Very skilled!

I'm a complete fool for soccer goalies, regardless of race, religion, color, creed, gender, whatever. It's such a vital position, and if you stink at it, you're doomed. If not, I'm probably going to be really impressed and remember your name for future reference. If you play for an MLS team that isn't FC Dallas, I may still make a mental note to look for you when your team comes to town. Like say, Brad Guzan from Chivas USA. Or Pat Onstad from the Houston Dynamo.

So it goes with Hope Solo. Behold her notable attributes:

• Her amazing goalkeeping talent, 2-2 draw against North Korea aside.
• Her fawking cool name - come on, it's effing cool. Eff yeah! H-e-double-hockey-sticks! Darn! Shucks!
• She seemed to be wearing makeup during the NK game.

OK: You know which male goalie meets some or all of the above criteria? João Ricardo. No idea what club he plays for, but in FIFA events he plays (played?) for Angola. Great saves (except for the losing part), fawking cool name, and I have no idea if he wore makeup. Know why? Because I'm not attracted to men. Well, 1960s Howard Keel, but he's dead.

So what's the deal with concerning myself with Hope Solo's possible facial makeup, Kristine Lilly's ratty pony tail, and Abby Wambach's tight hair bun? Well, other than being attracted to females, I have no idea. Which admittedly is bullshit, because empathetically I would want people to judge me on my own merits and not be fixating on my crotch, or wondering if my legs go all. the. way. up. (They do.) So why is this okay to view women through the physical appearance lens rather than purely on merit?

It isn't. Really. Let's cut and paste, shall we? Wow, was I impressed that the [race] athlete finished first! Who knew that [religion] people could run so fast? What's next, [sexual orientation] participants?

Pretty offensive, yes? Well, ignorant, for sure.

I'm noticing that much attention is paid to "firsts", usually in the context of race or gender. First black [you name it]. First female [whatever]. First black female lesbian eskimo rock-climbing [whatever]. Being "white" and male, I can't easily identify with these things. But I recognize their importance, to a point. For example, I'm thinking that it will be a big deal when Danica Patrick wins her first IndyCar race. I'm thinking it will be a big deal when we have our first non-"white" President. How about our first non-male President?

Rightly or wrongly, real or imagined, "firsts" represent the crumbling of another barrier toward unity (parity?). One day, everyone will be willing and able to play every sport imaginable. Teams will not be divided by gender. Everyone will be eligible (if willing and able) to run for President and have a reasonable shot at winning. Everyone seeking to achieve a goal will be judged on one's merits.

But I wonder: So long as there are laws of attraction, will we ever see each other as "just folks" and not potential mates? Even when we're not in (or on) the market?

I don't have the answers, but what I do know is that when Danica Patrick wins her first race, or we elect our first female President, or the US Women's National Soccer Team wins the World Cup, they're going to earn it. And I, for one, respect that.

And to anyone who thinks that women who seek to achieve these goals, be they firsts or otherwise, achieve them solely on the basis of their physical appearance*, I say, if you call that preferential treatment, you haven't been paying attention to the piles of BS that created the hurdles to clear and barriers to smash in the first place.

You go, girls. <EM>

* Beauty pageants and modeling gigs notwithstanding, I suppose.