by Ethan Johnson
September 8, 2006

I'm no wine expert, trust me on this. But as my own interest in wine ebbs, flows, and generally evolves, I thought it might be a good idea to share some of my learnings. In short, wine is really daunting, what with the selection, the different producers, points of origin, point ratings, and glossy magazines devoted to the hardcore appreciation of wine. You know, the ones that say that a wine has "good Botritys" and "cellar for 45 years." And of course, forget about white wines, as they're beneath the lofty palates of the reviewers. But chances are, if you're getting into wine, you're going to start with white. That's why I created the Totally Unpretentious Wine Reviews section of this site. I was tired of the haughty approach to wine that so many outlets favor, and wanted to get people excited and interested in wine the way that I got turned on to it. Plus, it serves as a great reference point to look back on and see how my tastes have or have not changed over time.

I may look back on this article and laugh, but in the meantime here are some helpful hints that I have picked up over the last year or so:

O Tannin Bomb: A friend of mine brought over a bottle of Greek wine (no, not Ouzo) and raved about how it is his "new favorite". I don't normally drink red, but I decided to give it a try and see what I thought. Ooof. My mouth was bone-dry and cottony after a sip. He thought that was fabulous. I thought it seemed counterintuitive to drink something that makes you feel parched.

The "cottonmouth" sensation came from the tannins in the wine. Red wines tend to have some amount of tannins, whereas whites generally do not. (I am hedging in case some white wine contains tannins that I am presently unaware of.) Black tea contains tannins too, and you can get the same dried-out sensation if you over-steep your tea. The problem with this "tannin bomb" is that it really did need to be "cellared" for years to smooth out the tannin-y qualities and bring balance to the wine. As one wine geek says, my friend is committing an "infanticide" every time he pops open a bottle of this stuff. I always wondered how wine geeks knew that a wine needed to "cellar", and this seems to be a big part of that determination.

Cellar's Market: "New World" wines (such as USA, Canada, Australia, South Africa, New Zealand, Chile) generally do not need to be "cellared", or if they do, we're talking about 3 years, not 30. In reading the bottle for clues, look for "soft tannins" (or better yet, "ready now"). Low-tannin wines are generally ready to go now, or some cellaring can help smooth it out a bit more. I drank another red while I was in Wisconsin that was a soft-tannin wine, and I got a faint sense of "dry mouth" at first but it went away, replaced by deep berry and silky sensations as I made my way through the glass. As a wine n00b, I am thinking that this is what more accomplished wine folk are looking for. As a rule, most white wines are meant to be consumed as close to the vintage year as possible. Which means I'm really pushing it with my 2003 vintages, and am walking the line with my 2004s.

By the way, I read a clever snippet on the topic of cellaring that I must share:

The English cellar their wines for too long, because they like to impress their guests with a cellar full of dusty wine bottles.

The French drink their wines too young, because they are afraid of being taxed to death.

The Americans drink their wines at exactly the right time, because they don't know any better.

Chill, Dude: I was led to believe that red wine was supposed to be served at "room temperature", which in Texas can mean 85F on a bad day. I have since learned that it is really OK to chill your red wine prior to serving. Worst case, you'll serve it too cold and it will need to warm up in the glass. But at least you can bring the wine from colder to warmer. It's not so easy to serve a wine at 85F and hope that it cools down to a more manageable 60F, short of serving it in an igloo. Chilling wines in the fridge seems to work well (about 2 hours, inside the door), and at worst the wine will smell like "cold alcohol" if it is too cold. Let the wine stand for a few minutes or so and try again.

Corn Flakes, and: I thought I was kidding when I opined that Sauvingnon Blanc, as a rule, is a "food wine". Meaning don't pop it open unless you have food to pair with with. I ordered a glass in a Milwaukee restaurant where we were having "just" light appetizers in lieu of lunch. Bad idea. The wine BEGGED for the balance that food provides. Without getting into chapter and verse about pairing, I will say that when paired well, wine enhances the food, and vice-versa. For example, cheese (the right cheese, that is) smooths out the sharpness of some wines. In turn, wine amplifies the "good stuff" in whatever you're eating. You could eat corn flakes right out of the box, but that's boring. Milk adds interest to the corn flakes. Dig?

How do you know what the "right" pairing is? Some wineries tell you on the label. Wollersheim Winery should win some sort of award for label content. They tell you what temperature to serve the wine, how long to cellar it for (if at all), and what to pair it with. In other cases, you have to experiment. The old saw is "white with white, red with red." So steak with Pinot Noir or Cabernet, fish with Riesling. This is a good general rule of thumb but it's not foolproof. I once paired Gerwurtztraminer (white) with steak, because I felt that the wine brought enough complexity to stand up to the strong meat taste. I was correct. But I paired white with burgers (against my wishes, really) and the wine was KOd in the first round without much of a fight. Good pairings mutually enhance flavors, whereas bad pairings make one or both items taste "off". Or plain inedible/undrinkable. This is where wine differs from many other drinks, which serve to "wash down" whatever you're eating. Wine is more complex than that, which can be intimidating. Don't be intimidated. Experiment.

Knowing is Half the Battle: I recommend that any and all wine n00bs seek to broaden your knowledge about wine in diverse ways. There are wine blogs, podcasts, and books a-plenty to turn you on to what's out there, and what, if anything, suits your wine-drinking fancy. I can't stress enough to keep an open mind. My idea of good wine is not always going to match your experience and impressions. Neither will the recommendations in Wine Spectator. I didn't think I was "into" red wine until I latched on to one that is pretty over-the-top for a wine n00b like myself. Wine geeks tend to look down on White Zinfandel. Yes, it's pretty sissy stuff, but if you're new to the scene, it's good "starter wine" to practice swirling and sniffing with. I never noticed that White Zin (especially Beringer) smelled, and sometimes tastes like strawberries. When you've gotten acclimated to White Zin, try a late-harvest Riesling. Then a "plain" Riesling. Then Sauvingnon Blanc. How quickly or slowly you progress up through the wine ranks is entirely up to you. I don't feel the need to be apologetic for my particular preferences, especially when I am shelling out the dough to ostensibly enjoy it. So you like "sissy" wine. So what? At least you're enjoying it, and that's what matters.

United We Quaff: Wanna experiment? Wanna have fun experimenting? Have a party! Host a wine tasting party and try new wines and new pairings with other wine n00bs. Share your impressions. Hoity wine bars are sprouting up in my neighborhood that offer "flights" of wine for about the price of one glass. This means 3 glasses 1/3 full of wines that share a common thread, such as "Rieslings from Germany" or "New World Sauvingnon Blanc". We got turned on to a few favorites this way without spending a lot of time and money. Even cooler, they give you a card containing all of the vital info about the wines you tasted so you know what to look for at the store. Sweet!

Who Are You Trying to Impress? Andrea Immer had a great line: When ordering wine in a restaurant, what matters is that YOU like what you order. Your goal is not to impress the restaurant staff with your wine acumen. They are on hand to serve you, and make sure that you had an enjoyable dining experience. Shelling out mucho dinero for a wine just because you want to appear sophisticated to the wine steward isn't exactly "sophistication." And really, if the restaurant was long on snoot, they wouldn't serve "sissy stuff" anyway. Drink what you like. If you get too intimidated by the wine list (or staff), you'll end up ordering iced tea. Way to NOT enhance your meal. Same with water or soda.

I'll have more wine reviews and advice throughout the remainder of 2006, but hopefully this treatise helps fill in some of the gaps in your understanding of wine. For me, there's only one thing better than finding and enjoying a new favorite: Recommending it to someone else and seeing their reaction to the "right" suggestion. If you have favorites of your own, or advice to share, let me know! In the words of Andrea Immer, let the only thing that stands between you and a great bottle of wine be the cork. <EM>