by Ethan Johnson
August 28, 2006
There are three teams that I am in some way following this season: The New Orleans Saints, the Chicago Bears, and the Cincinnati Bengals. The Saints first and foremost, the Bears because we're "from there" and because Mar is a big fan, and the Bengals because I'm a fool for "sad sack team finally gets their act together" stories. This dynamic should be tested somewhat when the Bengals play the Packers tonight in pre-season action. (Which means, snoooorrrre.) The Packers seem to be in decline (flame on!), and the Bengals were a QB injury away from the Big Time last year. If nothing else tonight might provide some sort of reality check about Carson Palmer's readiness.
As with any sporty commentary provided by me on this site, I accept exactly zero of the blame for any gambling losses on your part, and all of the credit for the winnings, but will accept a mere 90%, being a nice guy. You are warned. On to the uninformed blather:
Teh Saints
Jim Haslett is so far gone, he's been reduced to a coordinator for the hated Rams. Ouch. I know absolutely nothing about the new coach (including his name). What I do know is that the Saints have Reggie Effin' Bush, which means SUPER BOWL BABYYYY WOOOT! Oh, and Drew Brees is the new QB, who should do a fine job stepping back out of the I-formation and handing the ball to Reggie Effin' Bush. Aaron Brooks was "my guy" in the early going, but really devolved into a weird, uneven, unreliable disappointment. You know, kinda like the Saints. Hopefully the Saints can achieve some level of stability and establish a home field groove. Haslett really should have been cut a break after the Katrina mess, but then again, the Saints weren't tearing it up pre-Katrina so that was probably a factor in the decision to replace him. Don't get me wrong, I really dislike the Saints' owner, however, he did the right thing (in my uninformed opinion) by choosing to stay in New Orleans. Lesser owners would have packed the van for Salt Lake City.
Games to watch: Besides all of them? The Atlanta games plural, as ATL really tests NO's mettle year after year. If the Saints sweep, I'm saying "playoffs". Anything less, and I start focusing more on the Bengals, assuming their season is any better. Aha, they play the Bengals on November 19. Hell yeah! Washington should be a good one if for no other reason that I love to see WSH gettin' a beatin'. Hate, hate, hate Daniel Snyder. He says, pulling for a team with a slightly better owner. No regular-season game against STL. Ca-mon!!!
Teh Bears
Hoo boy. I haven't been following much NFL offseason news, I mean, besides Reggie Effin' Bush going to the Saints, but checking out the Bears site I'm not expecting much. (Note: The Bears site is AWFUL. Yo, use your front page to tell me things like, oh, I dunno, the schedule. How about the W-L record? Hell-o!!!) Cedric Benson appears to be on the brink of mediocrity, the QB of choice is Rex Grossman (gag), and, eh, whatever. Hopefully for their own sake they have a better season than I am expecting.
Games to watch: Meh, their division is a train wreck. If the Bears can't lead the division then please, someone replace their drool-cups on your way out of the stadium. Normally Green Bay is the big one, but this year I'm expecting a Bears sweep. Then again, that's why they play the games. I'm thinking the Seattle game should be a good one, as well as the Patriots. Good yardsticks to determine playoffs-readiness. Oh, and unlike the Saints the Bears play the hated Rams. Gooooo Bears!
Teh Bengals
Hold on, let me get more starry-eyed over the Bengals. Exhibit A: Carson Palmer. Could a guy have more of a star QB name? He could suck raw eggs as a QB, but that name alone should be good for endorsements up the wazoo. It only gets better with a winning record. Nevermind that he is a USC guy. Carson Palmer. Caaaaarson Paaaaalmer! Jon Kitna (part of the problem during the Bad Old Days) has been pawned off on the hapless Lions. Sweet. Really, assuming that Caaaarson is indeed 100%, and the rest of the team manages to spend more time on the field than they do in court, this could be a Big Year. Oh baby, oh baby. And I say this as a disinterested third party who is well aware of his carpetbagging, bandwagon-hopping status. Know your role, I say. By the way, the upside of not paying attention to the off-season is a blissful ignorance of the specific legal troubles of various Bengals players. If they're particularly nasty, I'll downgrade my sunny outlook on the team accordingly.
Games to watch: "Chad Johnson end-zone antics fine contest." "Caaarson Paaaalmer scary limp spotting." Oh, you mean matchups? OK: The Saints (see above), Steelers (Sept 24), Patriots, and Colts (Dec 18). The Bengals have a pretty exciting schedule, all things considered. Depending on how it all shakes out, they should be in the thick of the Playoffs. Or, Marvin Lewis will be the next Mike Tice. Ouch.
Teh Rest
I'll keep an eye out for the Colts, Steelers, and Seahawks. I'll perform cursory glances in the way of Detriot to see if Matt Millen has finally taken to wearing Kleenex™ boxes on his feet and reducing his vocabulary to "bugs... bugs... bugs...." while scratching himself raw. I've pretty much given up on the NFC North (short of the Bears, see above). I really couldn't care less about the Cowboys, but I'm sure the local airwaves will be thick with stories about TO not playing well with others. Like, duh.
Onward to kickoff! <EM>
