by Ethan Johnson
August 16, 2006

I'm pleased to report that FugIT 2006 was a smashing success. Many doubted that we'd get this turkey off the ground, which shows what "they" know about turkeys. Turkeys go into a roasting pan, like God intended. And roast we did! We roasted everyone who couldn't be bothered to come join us in scenic Moose, Wyoming. Honestly, if we talked any more smack out there, we'd have to move to a basketball court. The photos are already pouring in over at Flickr. Attendees should already know this, but tag your photos "Fugit" so other people can gawk at them and see what they missed. Jason took this great photo of this year's conference mascot: A sundial missing its pointer. Exactly.

Day One:

10:00am: The airport Wi-fi at DFW wasn't bad, if your eyes tear up with fond memories of the day that US Robotics produced their first 33.6K dialup modem, offering screaming download speeds over 28.8. I tried to clear out my 4,987 spam emails before my flight, but Snoozr kept interrupting me with updated photos of sleeping people, with links to Google Maps showing me where they are. I [heart] mashups! Congratulations to Rick James (no links from RJ for the last 5 days - yo, didja jump the shark? LOL) for securing Gamma-round financing for phase 2 of Snoozr, which will help them incorporate links to GoogleBrain, which will show what parts of the sleeping person's brain show reduced or increased activity. Where were we without CAT scans on demand? Especially of other people? Note to self: Upgrade hard drive.

11:03am: i am banging this update out - the flt attendt is tryng to make me stop typng so the plane can take off OMG I cant wait to see snakes on a plane!!!1!1111!!11

11:05am: ok i am really shutting down my crackberry lol

6:00pm: The Jackson WY airport is excellent, if you use antlers in all of your decorating. I am running Checkr, which is saying that wi-fi has yet to be invented. Oxygen readings are normal, however there is a high amount of volcanic activity and Ginkgo plants. Lizards seem larger here, and walk upright. Whoa! That huge one totally wiped out that smaller one with one bite! Am traveling with Kirk, McCoy, Spock, and some guy wearing a red shirt and black pants. I don't recall ever seeing him before. Kirk is telling him to go first as we head toward the car rental counter.

6:30pm: Whatshisname ran afoul of one of the lizards. Kirk didn't seem too worried about him. McCoy just said "he's dead, Jim", with that intense tone that he always takes when someone like, dies. Spock cocked an eyebrow and returned to doing a scan with Tricordr. I wish he'd mute the damn high pitched whistling and set it on "vibe". I think he just does it for the attention.

11:00pm: OMG best reception evar! Oohoora was there with some green-skinned chick from Triacus. Hawt.

Day Two:

9:00am: Had a great breakfast of steak and eggs at The Moosery. Off to the hut. I'm chairing the "Exactly how tasty and fabulous IS Romulan wine, anyway?" session (sponsored by Romulux™ - disclaimer: I am loosely affiliated with Romulux). I don't want to miss the "WIIFM bloggers" session, but may miss it if Clex is there and wants to go ride up to Greybull.

3:30pm: sorry no time to blog but check out these gloves that Oohoora is wearing today! Woof!

11:30pm: Man, what a day! The session went well. I don't remember what I said, exactly, or how any of it was received. Do a search here to see what everyone else is saying. I mean, the people who matter. Set filters for "oozing with authority" and "close personal friends".

Oh yeah, Clex was there, and showed us his latest idea. I can't blog about it here, but all I can say is, if you were blown away by the Segway, prepare for something "wheelie" cool! Crap, I hope it's OK to say that.

Day Three:

8:00am: Na ga da! Oo chee munga munga! (This is a new language we made up last night at the bar. If you were here, you'd appreciate the scope and depth of this profound statement.)

12:30pm: I'm hearing that some people don't approve of our ratio of male to female speakers (ummm, Michael Jordan batted .067 his first month with the Birmingham Barons, and nobody complained then), or the fact that our conference is being held in a hut literally in the middle of nowhere (but convenient to Jackson, WY). Tough shit! Where were you when we planned all of this at FrakIT on Martha's Vineyard? I mean, Martha was OK with it when the 5 of us roughed out the plans on her private yacht, and frankly, we all worked so hard to make this conference a success, so if you can't make the effort to, I dunno, fly out here and stay at the Old Faithful Inn for $800/night, I have no use for you. Feh.

12:35pm: Scotty's here. AGAIN. Love him, love his app (Transportr), but ca-mon, can we get some fresh blood around here? Why didn't more people sign up on our conference Wiki at http://users.internet.obscure.flakyservers.net/conf/www/wyo/wilson/06/exclusivo.php? Sulu told me he posted the link. Did he forget? I mean, we're here...!

3:30pm: OK, this bullshit has to stop. Contrary to what some people are saying, here's exactly what I said to Spock, before he stormed out of the conference in a passive, emotionless, logical way:

Spock: Blah blah blah technical crap that nobody cares about.
Me: Nobody cares.
McCoy: Yeah, but I agree with Spock. Blah blah blah ass-kissingcakes.
Me: Nobody cares.
Spock: Blah blah illogical blah.
Me: (Turning away, and totally not smacking the crap out of him) Piss off, I have Romulan wine to pimp. Romulan wine! Getcher Romulan wine!

And I am totally not making any of that up. McCoy tossed off some crap about how "corporate" this event is, and moaned about something something grassroots. Bottom line: He needs me more than I need him.

4:15pm: Some asshole posted a cropped vidcap of my dust-up with Spock on YouTube. Notice how they make it look like he was "just" sitting there with that smug, calm look on his face and then I "suddenly" decide to smack the crap out of him. Au contraire, mon frere!

5:00pm: Oh, COME ON. McCoy's racist ass is suddenly on Spock's side, and wrote a long-ass post that nobody will read (I won't link to it either) about how supposedly out of control I am and to leave alone his "little buddy". I'm SO kicking him off of the advisory board. How will he fill his time, having only 340 other advisory boards to sit on? Not. My. Problem.

7:00pm: Oohoora is coming over to console me. Console me, baby!

7:01pm: Women are bitches.

10:00pm: on my way home. kirk is my only true friend. screw it, im not going to BoorCamp this year, and instead will just chill out for a few days before going to flaskIT on palmyra island. (Edited later to add link) Despite the crap with spock and mc-racist, the conf went ok and we pretty much surfed the net and checked our email while other people were talking. (Update 8/32: There's an impromptu BoorCamp in Mallorca in November. Translation: Oohoora in a 2-piece. Score!) <EM>

(Note: Yes, this would be satire and general kidding. Hopefully it was flamingly obvious, as Ginkgo plants don't grow natively in Moose, Wyoming.)

(Note II: Youuuuu're so vaiiiiiiin....)