by Ethan Johnson
July 11, 2006
You may want to point that mouthful of potentially disastrous liquid away from your monitor.
Yes, this is a variant on my (in)famous series of articles at The Vision Thing called "All of Your Business Books Are Meaningless". I finally hit my saturation point with scandals real and imagined on the internet. As hard as I try to insulate myself from what I will call petty bullshit, some still gets past my filters and annoys me immensely. Let's get this over with: I will provide an overview of crap that people thought was so important when the story broke, but utterly amounted to less than a hill of beans. Oh, and to ensure interest, lemme say the magic word: Rocketboom.
The [Insert Top N List Here] Wars: Yes, I understand that the ranking systems are nebulous at best, and that the people who populate these lists do benefit from this heightened exposure yet tend to downplay it in an "aw shucks" kind of way. In How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, Toby Young talks about the goings-on of his "frenemy": A screenwriter who "just happens" to befriend Jim Carrey, "just happens" to get invited to hot Hollywood parties, and "just happens" to be writing screenplays for a-list stars. Toby Young flips out, noting that none of the above would be happening if he didn't have the Jim Carrey trump card. His "frenemy" insists that his good fortune is the result of random fate and/or a lot of hard work and dues-paying. Yes, this is maddening especially when you're not getting all of the breaks, real or imagined. But honestly, and read this carefully, how much "play" did you expect your treatise on the nature, color, and consistency of pocket lint from 1844-1971 to get, really? And is your absence from [list name here] really the sole barrier between you and "success"? I thought not.
Scoble Quits Microsoft: Sorry, but MSFT won't be shuttered inside of a year, and if you're part of Scoble's posse, you'll follow him anywhere. The end. The only data point of mild interest to me is whether Scoble's blog takes a giant tumble in the blog rankings because he had to remove the word "Microsoft" from the title. Kind of like a company I used to work for that re-named and re-branded itself, and it's stock collapsed because they no longer had a "trusted" name. Either way, I don't particularly care how Scoble does in the polls.
Web 2.0: (And by extension, "media 2.0".) It is amusing to see the shock and outrage of Web 2.0 fans who come to the realization that millions of people a) don't know what that means and b) don't care. Sputter sputter whaaa...? Think of this like "energy 2.0": People generally don't care HOW we arrive at say, solar or biodiesel, they just want to know WHY they should switch to it and HOW simple/cheap it is. Same with AJAX and a raft of other web technologies. Lots of people don't care, period. They just want to know if they've got mail and if their buddies are showing online in their IM client. How many people make a point of switching to some web app because it is "web 2.0" or "AJAX"? OK, now how many of those people don't attend web conferences? Point made, next.
The World is Flat: I love how people glom on to an inherently stupid buzz-phrase like that and promptly behave in a manner so as to spotlight its shortcomings. Many web conferences are a great example of this. If the world is so "flat" (meaning that our global communications/tech infrastructure is so incredible that you can do business from virtually anywhere), then why oh why are these conferences being held in California all the damn time? Oh right, that's where most of the players are. See, in this "flat" world I thought we'd all fire up NetMeeting or equivalent and interface virtually, and leverage global synergies using plusgood systems architecture and doubleplusgood portability. Or, perhaps the point was to buy the book, period, end of story. Ya think?
Outrage Overload: It's still going on, of course, especially in the US political arena. Party A does something outrageous, or threatens to. Advocacy group B fires up a "netroots" campaign to stop it. Petitions are passed around, and often triumphantly "delivered to the Capitol steps at the 11th hour." Donations are urged, ad space paid for (usually in 2 major newspapers), and rallies held. And the punchline? Either the outrageous act happens anyway, or is derailed by some other technicality that had nothing to do with the "netroots" activism. Political books are good for this too; lots of sound and fury but ultimately signifying nothing. I tend to pick my shots carefully if I'm going to invest the time and money in any of them. I was reading a claim recently that said that outrage was literally addictive. I think there is something to be said for that, especially having been an outrage addict myself. I'm more interested in progress, not simply "winning". Check out the uber-pragmatic noise being made by the political left these days about wanting "Democrats" to win regardless of the candidates' actual stand on the issues. That's a recipe for disaster if there ever was one. And isn't that how future embrassments like Zell Miller and Joe Lieberman get elected?
Blogger E. Coyote: Super Genius! I am loathe to link to this immediate example, so grin and bear the following, and if enough pressure is applied I'll add the citing link later. The BECSG scenario reads like this:
BECSG: I am going to change the world in never before seen ways, and I will launch my plan by [doing whatever].
Me: OK I guess, but it seems to me that you could [do something similar yet different, cheaper, and faster and get similar results].
BECSG: Feh, this proves that I am a super-genius and you are common mouth-breathing scuzz. I will revolutionize the world with the mere click of my mouse! (Click)
Me: Whatever dude.
BECSG's peeps: Viva la revolucion!
Me: (Checking site a few weeks later to see how the revolution is going) Hmmm, this grand plan doesn't seem to be working so well. (Such as a poorly handled complaint from a customer.)
Me: (Checking site a few months later) Hmmm, this revolution seems like more of a "rut".
BECSG (A few more months later): I am launching a new initiative: I'm going to [do what I suggested a long time ago]. Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair!
BECSG's peeps: You rock!
Me: Sigggghghghhh.
And to be fair, not everything works out as well as one would hope. I am pro-experimentation and pro-knowing when to fold 'em, and anti-smug proclamations. Dig?
Dell Starts Blogging (Breaking News!): Dell has a blog. Fantastic then. The initial reaction is pretty much proving up my feelings/beliefs about corporate blogging and the people who care: It can be an effective tool, it is a limited tool especially for publicly-held companies, but then again all of their communication channels tend to be vetted pretty heavily specifically re: official corporate positions on issues. My suspicion is bearing out nicely that some people like the warm and fuzzy feeling that comes from knowing that [in this case, Dell] is blogging, but ultimately, it amounts to less than a hill of beans. Consider your own attitudes about blogs. Do you really care if a Nigerian paprika merchant has a blog? It's a great feel-good story to sell the ubiquity of blogs, but how many of these "fans" actually support say, that paprika merchant? Point made. Next.
Rocketboom: Something something Amanda Congdon something, Something blah blah Andrew I think. To the torches and pitchforks! Or how about this: I used to watch The Daily Show back when Craig Kilborn was the host. (Whaaaa...? Yes, there was life before Jon Stewart.) I cried when he did his final show, I'll man up to that (I was unaware of the specifics of why he left the show at the time). I dismissed Jon Stewart because frankly, he wasn't that funny back in the days when he took over. I grudingly admired that Jon Stewart took that perception to heart when he appeared on the Larry Sanders Show as the would-be guest host. Over time, I heard raves about the "new" Daily Show and started watching, Wow, has Jon Stewart come a long way. Finally, the right vehicle, and now doors are opening. So in short, I have seen a few Rocketboom shows, opted not to make it a habit, and am aware that people are dissing the new host literally sight unseen. Perhaps Rocketboom will conk out, whatever. But the certainty with which people are writing off Rocketboom as "doomed" makes me utter three words: The Daily Show. Oh, and three more words: I don't care. <EM>
